Mithra Trust
From Acknowledgement to Action
There is no ‘one path’ that fits every individual. There are many directions you can choose to go – or not, and that's fine too.
It’s important to remember that you have the right to do what you want to with your body – and this right only belongs to you. Each of us has the right to decide what we wear, eat, do, who we date, marry, befriend, how loud or quiet we are… This also means that sharing our bodies and ourselves with another person should only happen with our consent.
Regardless of your age, gender, sex assigned at birth, sexual identity or sexual orientation, nationality, religion, caste, race, ethnicity, or colour, these rights are fully yours to enjoy. Any violation of these rights should be unacceptable:
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You have a right not to face violence, abuse or harm at the hands of any person(s), for any reason.
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You have a right to say no.
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You have a right for that to be respected.
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You have a right to leave a relationship, and to seek legal means to leave a relationship like filing a police report or seeking divorce.
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You have a right not to be asked for dowry, and if asked, you have a right to refuse.
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You have a right to monetary support and monetary resources of your own.
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You have a right to be educated and to seek education. You also have a right to choose not to pursue a course of education.
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You have a right for your basic needs to be met.
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You have a right to be employed and to seek employment. You also have a right not to work if you don’t want to.
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You have a right to go anywhere you wish without seeking permission.
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You have a right of personal agency, and therefore cannot be treated like a slave.
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You have a right to be treated with respect.
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You have a right of personal autonomy over your body.
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You have a right of personal autonomy over your mind.
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You have a right of personal autonomy over your choices.
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You have a right to be involved in all decisions concerning your future with your partner.
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You have a right to seek a share in all responsibilities concerning your relationship with your partner, your children and your monetary / financial and non-financial assets.
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You have a right to build friendships with any person you may choose, regardless of their gender identity.
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You have a right to your opinions and to have those opinions be respected exactly as you deserve.
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You have a right to express your mind without judgement.
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You have a right to the expression of your physical and emotional needs without judgement.
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You have a right to the use of contraception.
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You have a right not to be blamed for not bearing a child.
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You have a right not to be blamed for not bearing a son.
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You have a right not to have culture-based violence carried out against you.
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You have a right to have your needs be given importance.
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You have a right to have your responsibilities shared with your partner with as much commitment from your partner as you put in.
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You have a right not to be held responsible or accountable for the behaviour of a partner.
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You have a right to seek legal help.
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You have a right to seek medical help.
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You have a right to seek emergency relief and crisis support.
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You have a right to not be gaslighted by your partner.
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You have a right to determine your own gender and sexuality regardless of how your abuser may use it against you.
Sometimes, people we trust try to violate our bodies and minds. And because the person who did this is someone we love, care for, or have respect and affection for, it can be hard to acknowledge – even to ourselves – that what we have faced is sexual violence.
But healing from such violence is not possible until we acknowledge it – give it a name.
Take sexual violence by a partner, for example. In a recent survey, 83% of adult married women in India under the age of 50 said they’ve faced sexual abuse from their husbands. Despite the prevalence of this form of sexual violence, the society at large tends to ignore it or minimise it. In fact, marital rape is not even a criminal offence in India.
For a person who has faced sexual violence from their partner, it can be difficult to acknowledge that this has happened or this is happening, because their feelings for the person who has caused them harm are conflicting and confusing.
A majority of people consider sex as a norm inside a relationship. Sexual acts are also seen as a way of showing love and affection, a way in which a person shows their partner that they desire them. Therefore when a partner puts pressure even when you don’t want to have sex, it may feel like a show of affection or love, even when it is actually violence.
Remember that consent is not just the absence of a direct ‘no’. In a healthy relationship, your partner should be able to understand your reluctance, and not pressure you for sex.
It is not your ‘duty’ to provide sex to anyone. Sexual violence is never your fault.
